6 - Lecture (Restorative)

It has become clear to me that the more important the lesson that I want to share with my kids, the less inclined they are to listen to it.  It is critical that we find creative ways to teach and coach our kids and that we do so from a place of equanimity – a perspective void of judgment yet full of discriminating insight and wisdom. 
 
When the actions of your child have impacted others in a negative way, engaging in a restorative process will generate awareness of the full extent of the harm, it will teach accountability and appreciation for the perspectives of others, and it will promote the re-integration of the offending child into the family and the community as an important, valued member of these groups.
 
Notice the difference between lecturing and teaching.  Lecturing comes from a place of knowing – it says,  "I know and you don't know so shut up and listen or else".  It comes with a hint of judgment and blame.  It implies the threat of banishment, which encourages elective alienation and feelings of shame.  Teaching comes from a place of intention to support and respect the child's inherent potential. It honors the natural developmental urges of the child.  It seeks to invite and integrate the child into a community of learners where everyone, including the teacher, learns from the situation.
 

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