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5 - Make threats (Adulthood)

When we have resorted to the position of making threats, we have lost our sense of resourcefulness and are coming from a place of desperation.  We realize that we have no positive productive tools at our disposal yet we grasp for anything we can get our hands on in order to maintain control and not lose ground in the situation.  In other words, we have come to a place of not-knowing and we are in denial of the fact of it.  We say things like, “no ice cream if you don't stop crying”.  Alternatively, we will start offering them things we know they want in order to expedite control, “if you get your seat belt on now, I'll give you a piece of candy”, to which they inevitably reply, “I want three”, and the witness in our head is thinking, “when did putting on a seat belt become a negotiation – are you crazy?”
As mature adults, we have tools and resources at our disposal that will help us assume responsibility, and keep us from falling into unproductive, reactive roles like the victim and the coercive, critical parent. When we have lost our center, we can resource ourselves by acknowledging that we are coming from a place of blame, resentment and a need to be right and consciously step into a place of authentic relationship – a place that naturally arises when we pay attention to our collective inherent dignity as a human being.

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