Attachment

Developing positive connections that transcend competing forces
 
Attachment is the foundation upon which the seven aspects are built. It represents the mechanics of relationship. We are attracted to those we are attached to and we are happy to be of service to those we are attached to. That's why when my wife asks me to do something for her, I immediately stop what I am doing and give that thing my full attention. Well, not always, but if she has done a good job reinforcing the attachment components of our relationship by staying connected with me at a heart level, then my positive responses to her requests become automatic, and visa versa. To the degree that I reach out to her on a feeling level and nurture the intimacy that we both long for, in the ways that we individually need, there is very little I can ask for that will not get a welcoming response. Indeed, negative responses to our expressions are simply feedback to us that our attachment is weak.
 
This goes for our children too, and all of our relationships. Attachment is really the actual expression of our affection for our children on a regular basis and the result of the conscious interpersonal connections that we form with them.
 

RECOGNITION vs. Indifference
Affirmation: I let my children know that they matter to me – that I see them, and acknowledge their gifts.
 
CONNECTION vs. Separation
Affirmation: I connect intentionally with my kids, I make eye contact, and I develop a raport with them.
 
SECURITY vs. Neglect
Affirmation: I respond appropriately, promptly and consistently to their needs. I comit time for them.
 
LOVE vs. Discipline
Affirmation: I express unconditional love to my children and translate its meaning for them.

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